


Better Love

by woakiees



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Disgustingly fluffy, F/M, poe dameron is so happy it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-04-21 22:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woakiees/pseuds/woakiees
Summary: "Sometimes, he would catch you staring at him from across the room, when you thought he wasn’t looking. You often fell asleep in his quarters, your head upon his chest as you shared his bed, your side becoming just that — yours. There might have been a time or two where he thought you were going to kiss him, only to pull away at the last second. And you could never fucking stop touching his hand."
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 121





	Better Love

**Author's Note:**

> i had so much fun writing this oh my gOD! if you're interested in a second part, please let me know by leaving me a comment or a kudos!

Poe Dameron wasn’t a man who believed in fate. He absolutely didn’t believe in destiny, and soulmates felt like a silly, whimsical idea to him — something completely made up for the dramatics of a cheesy love story. He felt the same way about the concept of love at first sight, and there was once that he actually scoffed when he heard someone use it to describe their own romance.

He remembered his mother telling him, when he was just a boy back on Yavin 4, barely old enough to remember, that he would know right away when he found the one he was destined to spend the rest of his life with. He had believed her for a time, he supposed, but as he grew older, he almost seemed to resent his mother’s promise. True love didn’t exist. It wasn’t real, none of it was.

Poe believed that, maybe, you could grow to love another person, if you were committed enough to do so. Love existed, but not in the way it was made out to be in all of the stories, passed from one generation to the next.

But then, he met you, and his outlook on the entire thing suddenly changed.

There were no words in any language Poe could think of to describe the feeling that rose in his chest the first time he laid eyes on you. It had been a completely surreal experience for the pilot, one he never thought he would find himself personally in. His hands had started to shake with no warning, and butterflies erupted within his stomach in some sort of crazed frenzy that he wasn’t familiar with. He felt dizzy, and he remembered blatantly staring, Snap and Jess both laughing at him when his helmet had dropped out of his hands, clattering to the ground with an obnoxious bang that you were thankfully oblivious to.

And that was all before even speaking to you.

You had been the newest recruit at the time; a skilled pilot that would keep him on his toes, and offer him a healthy dose of competition, according to Leia. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he was directly in charge of you, being a commander and all, he was positive that he wouldn’t have had the courage to introduce himself that day. His voice had not at all been cool and collected, like it usually was. No, it was _far_ from that. He had stammered his way through some lame greeting, appearing as if he had never talked to a member of the opposite sex before.

But it had made you laugh, and he swore he remembered seeing a faint blush cross your cheeks. He also remembered thinking that he didn’t want another day to pass without hearing your laugh. Didn’t want another day to pass where _he_ wasn’t the one making you laugh.

He could no longer deny love at first sight, because those were the only four words that came to mind when he thought of seeing you for the first time. Maybe soulmates really were a thing of reality, and maybe his mother had been right all along.

Except, it didn’t take long for Poe to notice the ring on your finger.

You were married, or rather engaged to another man. Someone who Poe still had yet to meet, even though it had been two years since you first joined the Resistance.

You didn’t talk about him much, even less now that you had been with the Resistance for so long. Poe knew that his name was Ben, and that you had gotten engaged at a young age. He knew that you two had met as kids, but other than that, he knew nothing of the man you were supposedly in love with. He obviously hadn’t joined with you, and the fact that you were okay with being apart from him for so long made Poe wonder if there was more to it than what you were willing to admit.

But, he never did pry. Poe might have become your best and closest friend, a relationship that didn’t take very long to develop, but he knew it wasn’t his place to.

Even so, he still couldn’t help but wonder why you stayed with the mysterious Ben character that Poe had grown to resent. You had mentioned going to visit him only once, which Poe had never believed for a second, but other than that, he was almost positive that you had had no other communication with him since joining. He just couldn’t wrap his head around it, but you continued to wear the ring on your finger day in and day out.

Poe swore that if it weren’t for that damned ring, you would have been his. Maker knows he was already yours, whether you knew it or not.

There were moments where he thought that you might want the same, but he was never sure. Sometimes, he would catch you staring at him from across the room, when you thought he wasn’t looking. You often fell asleep in his quarters, your head upon his chest as you shared his bed, your side becoming just that — yours. There might have been a time or two where he thought you were going to kiss him, only to pull away at the last second. And you could never _fucking_ stop touching his hand.

Even now, you were sitting next to him, under the wing of his X-Wing as rain poured down around you, your hand gently settled next to his. Barely touching, but enough for Poe to feel as if a rock was settled in the pit of his stomach as he let his nerves get the best of him. You would shift your hand every few minutes, laying it further on top of his until he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed more.

He slowly intertwined his pinky with yours, hesitating for another moment before he shifted again so that he was now halfway holding your hand. He nearly lost it when your fingers absentmindedly started to stroke his, even though it wasn’t the first time you found yourselves in a similar circumstance. But still, every single time you touched him, he lost all ability to think properly. You drove him mad, but in the best possible way.

But it was wrong. Holding your hand was wrong, letting you fall asleep on his chest was wrong. Putting his hand on your lower back as you walked around the base together was wrong, and putting his arm around your waist whenever you stood anywhere remotely close to him was wrong. Wanting you was wrong. You were engaged to someone other than him, no matter how badly he didn’t want you to be. It was wrong.

But he couldn’t pull his hand away. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to drop his hand back to his side.

“Why can’t I stop touching your hand?” he asked himself, voice no louder than a gentle whisper.

You, thankfully, hadn’t heard hum. You were staring straight ahead, your eyes far away from where you actually were, and Poe took a moment to admire your features for what must have been the thousandth time. A cold wind blew your hair around your face, and he had to suppress the urge to tuck the stray strands behind you ear. He had to suppress a lot of urges around you, and he would say that he had become fairly good at it.

There was however one urge that was becoming hard to ignore. He had prided himself in never prying, always letting you be the one to offer up information whenever you saw fit. But you were sending him mixed signals, and he didn’t know how much longer he could handle it before breaking.

He couldn’t tell if you wanted him to be your best friend, or your lover. If he were being completely honest, he would be whatever you wanted him to be. As long as he was in your life in some form or another, that was good enough for him. But, he couldn’t be both. Refused to be both, because he didn’t know if his heart could take it.

He thought that maybe his conscious certainly could. He had often thought about taking you to his bed to do more than just sleep, no strings attached, more often than he would like to admit. He thought about sneaking around in dark hallways, and fooling around in the cockpit of his X-Wing. He thought of taking you in the shower, having to slam his hand over your mouth to keep you quiet. If he hadn’t been so head over heels for you, he wouldn’t have minded being your second man. Your second choice.

But Poe really didn’t want to be your second choice. He wanted you to want him — to need him as much as he needed you. He needed to take his shot, before the uncertainty and the mixed signals ate him alive. If you didn’t want him, he was sure that he could live with it. Having to go through life without you would be worse.

“I need you to tell me something,” he murmured, finally finding his voice. It didn’t sound as confident as he had hoped, but it was just slightly louder than it had been before.

You tore your eyes away from the treeline slowly, meeting his darks ones as the wind continued to whip around you. You inched your hand closer, moving to fully intertwine your fingers with is, and Poe felt himself pull back, causing a frown to make its way onto your lips.

“What is it, Poe?”

“Do you still want to marry Ben?” he asked before he lost the courage to, hating to even say the other man’s name.

You only blinked at him, not knowing how to answer his question. He gently bit his lip upon seeing the torn expression that crossed your face, but that small look of doubt was enough for him to press on.

“C’mon Y/N, be honest with me. Is there a single part of you that still wants to spend the rest of your life with him?”

You again didn’t answer. Your eyebrows were furrowed as you tried to think of something to say, and Poe could tell that you were struggling. The fact that you hadn’t been able to answer him told you everything he needed to know, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“I don’t think that ring means _anything_ to you anymore.”

“That’s not true,” you mumbled, shaking your head slowly.

“But isn’t it? For fuck’s sake, Y/N, when was the last time you even spoke to him?”

You quickly glanced at the ground, and he could tell that it had been longer than what you had originally told him. He was just about to ask you how long it had actually been when you answered his question for him.

“He left me on the day I turned twenty.”

“Three years ago? I thought you said — wait, hold on, _left_ you? What do you mean _left you_?”

“It doesn’t matter what I mean, all you need to know is that he left me.”

Poe didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t mad that you had lied to him, not really. He was more hurt for you, and pained by the look in your eyes as you seemed to think back to that day. A short silence stretched between you, your eyes focused on the ground while his were focused on you. You were the first to break it, your gaze shifting up to his as a single tear rolled down your cheek.

“And at this point I don’t think he’s ever coming back to me.”

Poe pulled you into his arms without a second thought, one hand moving to entangle itself in your hair while the other found its place on the small of your back. He held you close to him, letting you bury your face into the crook of his neck as he gently rocked you back and forth, hoping the constant motion would help soothe you. Your small frame shook in his arms as soft sobs escaped your lips, and he couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten at the sadness he felt radiating off of you. He hated seeing you so upset, and he supposed that he was the cause of it. He had pushed you to tell him, even when he knew you didn’t want to.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he found himself mumbling, his lips finding your forehead to place a gentle kiss to your soft skin. “I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head, not wanting him to apologize. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I made you-”

“You didn’t make me do anything.”

You slowly pulled away, your hand letting go of the front of his shirt he didn’t realize you had been holding onto, bringing it up to wipe away the remaining tears from your cheeks.

“I’m not crying because of you. I’m crying because it just…feels so good to finally let go. I think the only reason I still wear this stupid thing is because I didn’t want to let go.”

Poe found himself smiling, though it didn’t last long. You spoke again, though this time you sounded more angry than hurt.

“And I’m crying because I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Hey, don’t say that about yourself.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it? I mean, I lied to you-”

“I don’t care.”

“-and I pretended to still be engaged to a man who left me for complete bullshit-”

“Still don’t care.”

“-all because I thought that he might change his mind. I thought that maybe he would miss me enough to make the right decision, but he’s so fucking — he’s just so — ugh, _dammit_!”

Poe frowned at your words, wanting to know what you meant by “_the right decision_”. What, or who, had Ben left you for?

He didn’t want to focus on that, though. There was something else on his mind that he thought was much more important.

“Do you know what I think would feel really good?” he asked you after a few moments of silence, a playful smirk making its way onto his lips.

“Kissing you,” you replied automatically, not seeming to really realize what you had said until it had already left your mouth.

Your words made Poe sputter — made him choke on air as he inhaled a sharp breath. Your eyes went wide as your brain finally registered what you had said, but you couldn’t find the energy to care. Your answer had been truthful, afterall.

“I’ve been thinking about kissing your for a long time.”

Poe slowly seemed to regain some of his composure, his flirtatious and charming nature finding its way back into his veins. He coughed one more time before speaking, trying to play off how taken aback he had been by your comment, though he wasn’t fooling you.

“I’ve been thinking about doing a lot more than just kissing you, sweetheart,” he smirked, letting one eye fall shut in a quick wink that had you giggling, a sound he loved to hear. “But I think taking that ring off will feel just as nice.”

That earned him another giggle, and he took that as an invitation to grab your hand. He gazed into your eyes for just a second, checking for any sign of apprehension or hesitation, before letting his fingers come into contact with the smooth metal band around your finger. He slowly shimmied it off before pocketing it, an action that caused you to raise your eyebrows in question.

“Just in case you change your mind.”

You smiled. It was a thoughtful gesture, but you knew that you would be okay with never seeing the ring ever again. It also became clear to you, that if you were ever going to wear a ring on that finger again, there was only one man that you wanted to put it there.

You gently wrapped your arms around Poe’s neck, moving yourself to straddle his lap. His hands instinctively moved to your hips, as if they belonged there. As if it were the most natural thing in the world. It felt that way, truly. It felt nothing but right.

Poe beamed up at you, your nose gently brushing against his own as you moved closer to him. He closed the distance first, letting himself revel in the feeling of your lips underneath his for the first time.

The kiss was slow, deep, and held so much passion in just one simple movement. Years of yearning to feel your lips, and it was so much more than Poe had ever imagined. So much more, and so much better. He knew he would never grow tired of kissing you. Kissing you every single day, ten times a day, for the rest of his life would never come close to being enough.

You were the first to pull away, a small gasp leaving your lips as you disconnected yours from Poe’s. The feeling in the pit of your stomach was entirely new, like nothing you had ever felt before. You had never even come close to feeling as content or as loved or as whole. You wanted to stay there, in his arms, under the wing of his X-Wing with the rain and the wind for the rest of forever.

But, the rain was letting up, and the sky was darkening as the night dragged on. The last thing you wanted to do was freeze, though you were sure Poe could come up with a way or two to keep that from happening.

“Come on,” you grumbled with a sigh, standing from Poe’s lap and extending a ringless hand to him. “We need to get back to base.”

The other pilot pouted, his lips turned into a deep frown. “I wasn’t done kissing you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head in mock dismay. “I bet you weren’t Dameron, but I really need to talk to the general about something and I can’t feel my cheeks anymore.”

“What do you need to talk to Leia about?” he asked, finally taking your hand and letting you help him hoist himself off the ground.

“Just something we’ve been dealing with for a while now is’all,” you answered with a shrug of your shoulders.

BB-8, who you had entirely forgotten about until that moment, opened the cockpit for you and Poe without having to be asked. You nodded your head at him in thanks, as Poe climbed in before reaching a hand out to you. Once in the small cockpit, you began to situate yourself in his lap when you felt his lips meet your neck in a brief, chaste kiss.

“Y’know, come to think of it, I need to talk to Leia too.”

Your turned your head slightly. “About what?”

Poe was wearing a goofy grin, his eyebrows playfully wiggling up and down as his gaze fluttered between your eyes and your lips. “Just need to make sure she’s okay with her best pilot asking her second best pilot out to dinner.”

“Who said I was going to ask you to dinner?”

“No, I meant — hey, wait a damn second, you are _not_ her-”

You kissed him before he could say another word, effectively silencing him. You couldn’t help but smirk as you pulled away, his eyes trained to your lips as you spoke.

“You know, if I knew all it took was a kiss to shut you up, I would have started kissing you a long time ago.”

“You’re hilarious,” Poe deadpanned, shaking his head as if to clear his mind of the trance you had threatened to throw him into.

He fired up his X-Wing with ease, and you were home in just a few short minutes, the both of you stumbling from the cockpit before bounding through the base to reach Leia’s office first.

It honestly wasn’t very different from your normal behavior, but everyone you ran past could tell that things were now different between the two of you.

Firstly, because even though you were wanting to beat him in your little race, you couldn’t let go of his _fucking_ hand.

And the familiar silver shine that had never left your finger from the day they met you was nowhere to be seen.

Some people traded sly grins while others traded credits, their bets on whether or not you and Poe would finally get together coming to fruition. You and Poe only traded boisterous laughs and, once in the privacy of a deserted hallway, another quick kiss before starting your search for General Organa again.

Leia wasn’t surprised when she saw your hand tightly wrapped in Poe’s. She also hadn’t expected it to take so long for Poe to make a move. She knew Poe had been smitten since day one, as it had been so plainly obvious on his face when she had helped introduce you two to another. She also had taken notice of how your eyes had lingered on your fellow pilot that first day.

It was inevitable. She had always known that the day would come where you both would succumb to your feelings for the other, but she couldn’t help the bittersweet feeling that flooded her chest. Still, she didn’t hesitate to give her blessing, and Poe was so ecstatic and so utterly wrapped up in the relief of finally being able to call you his, he completely missed the slight look of sadness in the general’s eyes as she watched the two of you leave her office.

You hadn’t missed it, but you wouldn’t dwell on it. Wouldn’t even give it a second thought. Not now. Not in the next year, or the year after that.

Not when you, for the first time, felt such an intense and powerful love pour from another living soul. Love that you so well deserved — had always deserved.

A kind of love you had never gotten from Ben.

And certainly a love you would never get from the man who took his place.


End file.
